Do I Have to Tell Them?

It doesn’t matter if you are a human resources leader, an owner who wears multiple hats, or you just happen to lead people and be in the role of filling the need, HR has to deal with a lot of things that aren’t always comfortable. From situations about performance issues to body odor or white slacks that are too see through, human resource practitioners everywhere deal with a lot of challenges.

With over 20 years of human resources experience, I can tell you that my best tip for you is to always address the issue head on. Here are some tips for diving in.

• Start by asking yourself, “How would I feel if no one told me about the perceived issue?” and “What will the future look like if I do nothing?” and “What can it look like if this challenge is addressed?” Nothing supports taking action like a positive outlook for the future.

• From an HR perspective, some additional questions you may ask include “How does this affect other workers?”, “How does this impact the delivery of the product we produce or service we deliver?”, and “How would this look if everyone did it?” A leader I respect once told me to look at exceptions employees want to make by asking yourself, “Would it be okay if everyone did this?” If not, is is likely not something you should make an exception for. (I’m not including exceptions that are health or crisis based here. Genuine concern for people is never a bad thing.)

• Feedback is really a gift that we give others. This mindset is agreed on by many well-known people including Bill Gates and Marshall Goldsmith. We don’t grow and develop without it. The challenge people typically have with it is how it is delivered.

• Practice looking at situations and conversations that you need to have by writing down facts that can be verified. Put yourself in the place of a researcher were facts are the only things that are important and list out what comes to mind. You’ll use this to develop your introduction statement for the conversation.

• Spend some time developing a 1 to 2 minute introduction of what you want to discuss. Clarifying the purpose of the meeting and discussion at the beginning will eliminate assumptions and help you to remain in control of the conversation. Those first words are usually the most difficult. In the words of Brené Brown, “Clear is kind and unclear is unkind.” This does not mean being blunt or rude. It simply means that you don’t do anyone a favor by tip-toeing and being vague or unclear when you talk. Think about those group meetings where the leader states a problem that everyone needs to address when everyone knows the exact person who needs to hear the message. Often times that person who needs the message doesn’t even get it!

• When you finish your introduction, simply be quiet and listen. If the listener tried to interrupt you when you were presenting your introduction statement, ask them to wait just a minute and they will have the opportunity to share their input, ask questions, and share their perspective. You are sharing a perception or possibly something you witnessed and they deserve the opportunity to share their side of the story. Can we ever assume that we know everything? Certainly not!

• If the situation gets too loud or becomes uncomfortable, reschedule and tell them that you are allowing them more time to process the information and come back to develop a resolution. As a leader, you should remain in control of the conversation and not become a participant in a yelling match of any kind. The discussion is not about you and you have no reason to feel defensive. I do recommend that if you ever have an individual that tries to walk out, that you clarify to them that if they leave without completing the conversation or agreeing on a time to reconvene, you are interpretting it to mean that they are resigning from their position. This retains your control of the situation and provides for a way to easily handle employees who may not be well suited for the position based on their behavior. (Do seek legal council regarding your organization or state’s guidelines regarding any additional actions when needed.)

• While it is always a good idea to spend some time considering what direction the conversation might take as you prepare, you really can’t expect to follow an outline. You should remain in the conversation listening and asking questions so the individual feels heard. (Of course, you should really be listening in any case!) In extreme situations, you may decide it best to include a third-party in the room during the conversation. This person can be there as a witness and you can ask that person to make notes for follow up during the conversation. This person should not involve themselves in the discussion in anyway. The only way a person should be included in the conversation is if that person is the actual supervisor or manager over the individual you are speaking with or were a part of the situation being addressed. It is always a good idea to help train other leaders on how to handle situations by allowing them to do the some of the questioning or contribute at some point during the discussion while they observe the situation as it is addressed. Be sure to prepare ahead of time for what involvement they will have.

• There are typically two different outcomes that occur in situations where there are discussions regarding a concern. On our good days, consensus is arrived at by both parties for an improvement in the situation for forward movement. On our bad days, the individual is just not accepting feedback and either takes themselves out of their position with the organization or we are required to remove them from it.

• As an HR leader, I have always said that we should be side-by-side with our associates through everything possible to help them be successful until we just cannot support their actions any longer. We hired them and we owe them our expertise and guidance.

Reach out to Ellen for more any of the following or attend her upcoming “Dare to Lead” training in Dallas, Texas.

- training and development
- coaching
- human resource exam preparation or CEU’s
- mastermind groups
- Dare to Lead training and keynotes
- DiSC Assessments